“Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not.” Emerson
So my hanai (adopted) sister has left the islands. She is moving to a new island down under… New Zealand. Her husband had a really terrible boss and after 3 years he just couldn’t take it anymore so he started applying for jobs and after not being able to find anything here, he applied all over! And New Zealand snapped him up. It’s a U.S. Company so that’s good, just in case they don’t like being outnumbered by sheep. Being the LOTR fan I am, I do hope to visit as soon as they’ve settled. I’m excited for them but sad that they are no longer here.
Now the truth is, L. was always working and I seldom saw her but there is still a connection. Not seeing someone doesn’t make them any less a part of your life. There are people who make you feel at home just by physically being in the same locale as you are. I had a lady when we lived in Germany who was so essential in helping me get settled that though I very seldom saw or talked to her, I was crushed when she left. I think I still miss her.
You’d think being a military family we’d get used to it. It’s true that moving every 3 or 4 years can be addicting. I think I want to put down roots. Here. But it’s rather cost prohibitive. There are things about this island that drive me nuts but there is more that makes me want to stay. You find good and bad in any place. I’ve never lived someplace this beautiful before-but the attitudes of the people can be ugly in a way that blemishes all that is breathtakingly gorgeous. And I am a foreigner here… it isn’t the U.S. no matter how much we try to make it so. Germany was lovely and delightfully pretty. The Alps were awesome, literally. I know the word is way overused today but these mountains were so exquisite, it is nearly impossible to capture them on film and do them any justice. But I was a foreigner there, too.
We all long to belong. Like the old Cheers song, “Sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name…And they’re always glad you came…” Yes, I do want that. But as much as I want to have that here, I’m not sure it will ever come. I don’t know if it’s because of the geographic isolation or not having family here or what. If my family of origin lived here, I would probably feel at home. Yet I don’t feel compelled to move to Indiana(sorry guys). It would be nice to be closer.
But everywhere you go you will meet people. Someone who will help you belong in a place –help you ford the “newbie” river of the jungle or at least navigate it with you. We always joked that we never met any friends til about a year before were ready to leave any given place. And it’s pretty true. Maybe 2 years out but often just a year. And then you are sad to leave. It might take a while to surface, but it will. There is a grieving process. I guess there is a reason moves are up there on the list of most stressful events. Like a plant that goes into shock if transplanted in the wrong way or at the wrong time, we can wither and maybe even die a little.
So back to my hanai sis… she had this quote on her avatar that I could really relate to and that actually inspired this post: “You will never be completely at home again because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place.” Miriam Adeney.
It’s just got me thinking about the inevitable time that we will pack up and move back to the mainland. There’s something about this island. The azure colored water, the green Sea Turtles who are the cutest turtles of any variety I’ve ever seen, the hikes that always end in an ocean or mountain view–sometimes both! It’s not hard to see why people would want to live here for the rest of their lives. And why they would overlook so much just to stay.
After twenty seven years of being married–home to me is where my family is.But even that truth is shifting as we are now coming to a new age where our kids will be living apart from us. DS is headed off to Florida and DD will be a HS Senior next year and she is ready to fly (or at least she thinks she is:) How many pieces does my heart have? My poor little man is just beside himself at the thought of his Big Sis not living with him and I agree but it’s supposed to be that way. She can’t live with us forever. Not much of a consolation for the moment.
I’m not sure my longing to put down roots somewhere will ever change, but the truth is we will never really belong anywhere this side of heaven. We give part of our hearts to our friends and so leaving them is like leaving a piece of ourselves in any place we call home for no matter how brief a period of time. Some people are a little easier to leave than others, some places definitely easier than others. But there is always something in me that hates to say good-bye. I don’t think I’m alone in that. Good-byes are hard.
Lord, help me to leave any place I have lived better than I found it. Help my shine your image in the darkest places and make my words, thoughts and actions light up as a single candle, spreading to others in a way that cannot be denied. Help me to overcome evil with good, unkindness with forgiveness and arrogance with compassion for the insecurity it cloaks. I truly desire to leave seeds of beauty planted in the ground that will sprout and blossom for years after I have moved on. Let me inspire others to seek You.
Because He first loved me~
Jennifer
Decidedly Different 