A synopsis of my brief journey with taking risks, failing and living another day.
I read recently that Marie Antoinette, who was apparently oblivious to the plight of the common people of France, was not talking about whipping up a Duncan Hines devil’s food cake mix when she (indirectly) tossed this callous comment out to her starving subjects. She was actually referencing a fine pastry-bread called ‘brioche’ which is not only really fun to say but also incredibly delicious to eat… or so I’ve heard. Peasants of the day would have partaken of coarse brown bread without any butter for their daily subsistence– and that on a good day. The insensible queen was simply out of touch with the general populace and that simple fact eventually cost her (as well as the other aristocracy) her life. Hungry peasants will only be placated for so long…
Now I am fully cognizant that dietary restrictions are not even remotely akin to starvation of French Revolution magnitude but sometimes, sometimes, I really do wish I could just “eat cake”. Or yogurt. Greek whole milk fat yogurt. Fage to be precise.
Without consequences.
Our social circle is primarily our Sunday School group at church and every activity is a challenge for me. I am primarily going to visit and chat but when food is the centerpiece, it’s hard to not look longingly at all the foods I really can’t eat. For this reason I commit to myself to bring my own food and to make it something I will really enjoy eating but the reality is, I always get to eat the one thing I brought and watch everybody else eat ten different delectable looking dishes. Yesterday in class, I thought about grabbing something off my husband’s plate and just eating it. Did I mention I was already having an acute bout of dyspepsia?? Not pretty.
So with all this in mind a couple of weeks ago I was feeling overwhelmed with all the moving parts of my diet: Dairy-free. Grain-free. Eat small meals. Eat proteins and carbs a few hours apart. This is the underlying current of my discontent. (Cue grumbling peasants with pitchforks standing in the wings.)
But the bottom line is, I really wanted to up my protein intake to compliment my weight training and since I prefer to use natural sources (meat, dairy, beans, legumes) versus protein powders, I was finding it difficult to arrive at the suggested 80-85 grams per day while still getting enough fiber and keeping calories in check. So I had this great idea…let’s try adding some animal protein back into my diet. Specifically, Greek yogurt and Kefir (which is, afterall, ninety-nine percent lactose free). Both of which have gut healthy bacteria.
After about a week of eating one half cup a day (adorned with a tablespoon each of flaxseed, chia, collagen and peanut butter) I have been burping nonstop. Mostly small, quaint burps but some far more conspicuous and all with a noticeable degree of stomach discomfort and general malaise and my personal favorite, bloating. Yuck.
Why did I wait so long to reverse course? Frankly, I was in denial. And because I like to live life on the edge, I had added some gluten-free granola (as opposed to grain-free). So I broke the cardinal law of having more than one variable at a time. Was it the dairy or was it the granola? Wishing the latter to be the culprit, I continued on my dairy binge…the taste was so creamy and delicious. Alas, I don’t think the taste of anything is worth feeling so miserable. I’ve considered Lactaid, but not sure I want to take this on a daily basis. (Ok never mind, I’m sure I don’t.)
And because that’s not complicated enough, I’ve been exploring the mind-body connection (Sarno’s TMS theory) and have found myself wondering how much of my food sensitivity is not physiological at all but rather manifesting as the result of psychological issues. My husband is more convinced of this probability that I am but it does rattle around in the back of my brain. But I second guess myself far too often and so for now, I’m just going to listen to my body. It seems the prudent thing to do.
Don’t get me wrong…I am exceedingly grateful to those who are on this grain-free, dairy-free journey with me. Especially those of you developing delicious recipes so those of us who can’t indulge freely, can at least, partake in moderation from time to time. There is almost nothing I cannot replicate if I have the mind to from cinnamon rolls to chocolate cheesecake and lemon coconut drop shortbread cookies.* It is nothing short of amazing how dairy-free and grain-free foods have evolved over the years since I’ve embarked on this less traveled path. But sometimes you just want to eat what everyone else is having without having to go to the trouble of making all of it yourself.
Anyway back to Marie Antoinette…I decided to ditch the Fage (brioche) and go back to my dairy-free coconut yogurt (dark coarse bread). I can’t ignore the signs my body is giving me and expect to be in good health. Like the understandably peeved peasants of 18th century France, my body is going to make me unhappy until I stop giving it things it is struggling and failing to digest. It turns out lactose isn’t the only thing I’m sensitive to and even if I were willing to go lactose-free, it would likely not solve the issue. To rephrase a popular sentiment–Dairy may not kill me but it’s not going to make me stronger either.
In the long run, however, I don’t think I’m going to be sorry I tried to partially reintroduce dairy back into my diet because it was a risk and I am not generally bold or daring. I didn’t act out of fear which tends to be my default. While my present circumstances have me wishing I had simply maintained the status quo, I am proud of myself for taking a chance and breaking out of this “normal” I’ve maintained for years. While it make take a day or two to feel like myself, I think I’ve learned I can be valiant, plucky and resilient in navigating setbacks.
I can regroup. I can press on. I can thrive.
Grateful for the opportunity to nourish body, mind and soul while respecting what are but temporary limitations.
*This is not a grain or dairy free recipe but I substitute Bob’s Red Mill 1 to 1 flour in place of all-purpose flour and the cookies have turned out delectable and no one is the wiser!
Decidedly Different 