“The impossibility of empirical proof is a spiritual necessity. A man who knew empirically that an event had been caused by his prayer would feel like a magician. His head would turn and his heart would be corrupted. The Christian is not to ask whether this or that event happened because of a prayer. He is rather to believe that all events without exception are answers to prayer in the sense that whether they are grantings or refusals the prayers of all concerned and their needs have all been taken into account. All prayers are heard, though not all prayers are granted.” C.S. Lewis
I’ve never been particularly satisfied with my prayer life. I don’t know if I’m expecting too much of Abba or not fulfilling my part of the equation. I know the bible cautions against vain repetitions but what exactly does that mean? Do I follow the acrostic ACTS because to me, that feels too formulaic and contrived to be truly meaningful and authentic. Do I write out my prayers? Do I carve out large amounts of time or just pray sporadically throughout the day? And most of all why am I even praying at all? God is sovereign and He has a perfect plan so why would I try to change his mind? One thing I do know– aspiring to have a vibrant connection with a holy invisible being, is much, much different than any other relationship I’ve ever experienced.
One of my favorite authors, Philip Yancey, has written a book on the subject: Prayer: Does It Make a Difference? I always appreciate Yancey’s humble approach as he tackles tough topics and uses the written word to discover his own deep spiritual struggles. He never gives easy answers to tough questions and I appreciate his candor and the transparency of his process. It’s as though he writes about these topics not because he has the solution but because he needs to mull it over with 100,00 of his closest confidants.
While I’ve already addressed the concept of “unanswered prayer” here, I still struggle in the waiting. Mostly in waiting for two of my adult children to do a U-turn for Christ and to reclaim the heritage which we spent years investing in them. And because of a little pesky thing known as “free will” we have no guarantees. I admit it’s really taking a lot of my time worrying that they will never come back to how they were raised as well as compromising our relationship with them now. And it makes me sad but I don’t want to spend my life pining for something that depends on someone else– a totally free agent who is free to make the choices God endowed us to make. He has never wanted compelled love. I daresay none of us do.
So I pray. I pray they will be surrounded by kind people who will be a witness for Christ. I pray for my grandchildren to be in the presence of teachers who know Him who will love them and care about their souls. I pray for my ex daughter-in-law and my son’s present live-in girlfriend and her three kids whom we have adopted as bonus grandchildren even though we do not approve of their living arrangements. In fact there is very little in their lives we approve of at the moment–but we still love them and we let go and let them do things their way.
These two offspring of whom I speak spent years memorizing AWANA bible verses and I pray that those verses will come to their minds daily. I pray that they will feel His presence and be drawn back to the fold. I pray they will bring others with him and do mighty things for the kingdom and be an example of a godly, praying parent. We’ve been praying this for years and for the most part, we get crickets. When there is encouragement, it is infinitesimally small sliver of hope.
It’s hard not to feel ignored by my heavenly father, but I realize He is doing for them what He does for me. He’s honoring their right to follow the world and while I trust in faith that He is knocking at their door on a regular basis, I would really like to see tangible evidence that my prayers and our unconditional love are making an impression on these two wayward adult children.
And I truly know He understands because the bible is full of his laments for his own prodigal children. My children are His children and He loves them unfathomably more than I do. It’s hard for mother love to fully understand that but I try to believe.
I know He will wipe away every tear from our eyes when we are with Him in heaven. But this is where I struggle with loss of salvation, which I don’t technically even believe in. I doubt. What if they never knew him? But at least one of them did, maybe both. My husband thinks that God often “captures” children in the innocence of their youth–not in a bad way like kidnapping but rather taking advantage of that period of time in their lives when all people are more open to the possibility of a loving God who wants to be a part of their lives. Struggling in one’s spiritual walk is certainly not a sign that you have lost your salvation. But I do get concerned about one of them because I didn’t see a lot of evidence from him the way I did from my daughter.
This is where C.S. Lewis comes into play. While reading Yancey’s book, I realize I do indeed want empirical proof that my prayers are working. And I can see how that kind of “power” if you will might be very dangerous indeed. When my daughter was young, it seemed like we got whatever she prayed for and we almost used her as a magic genie to get the things we wanted and even if those things are good and godly, it is not a means of controlling an omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient Creator.
Which is why I’m suspicious of “prayer declarations” which sound an awful like “prayer demands”. What happened to approaching God with reverence? Does “boldly going before the throne of grace” mentioned in Hebrews 4 meaning storming in and demanding our way? Or as some churches propose, having people sign a virtual prayer petition because if we get enough people to pray God will have to give us what we want. That sounds a bit precarious at best.
Spiritual abuse is ripe for the picking any time we lead people to believe that if they just prayed hard enough, Christ would give them would they ask for including healing or wealth or that posh new job with the office of panoramic views. Whenever we lead people to think they would get an affirmative response if they just had enough faith, we are treading on dangerous ground. He tells in Psalms that our thoughts and not His thoughts and our ways are not his ways.
He sees the whole picture outside of the constraints of time and we have only a snapshot of a certain moment in time. If we grow our trust and get to know Him through reading and studying his word then we come to trust His character and we trust His heart for us and our loved ones. At this point we can release the outcome into His hands and focus on Him rather than our problems.
I don’t want to spend my life lamenting my children’s choices but rather worshipping the Creator and all He does for me on a daily basis. In bestowing comfort on those who are heartbroken the way I have been comforted by my savior. I want to talk with Him as I talk with my husband or my son and I want to encourage others to shift their focus, which can so quickly devolve into distraction of all that is wrong with the world, to turn their eyes upon Yeshua and in so living, attract others to the marvelous light of the world.
Prayer doesn’t work or not work. It’s not transactional but relational. Unanswered prayer isn’t even a vague possiblity. Prayer is the lifeblood of a relationship. Prayer is communication with the God of the universe. And prayer is how we stay connected to the One who will make everything worth it in the end. He is weaving together a beautiful tapestry of all our trials and tribulations for His glory and for our good.
Wait for it…
Decidedly Different 