Introverted or insecure?

I loathe walking into a group of more than 6 people without someone I know by my side. “Does that make me shy, introverted or just insecure?” I wondered to myself.  Is there a difference? My 5 year old won’t look at an adult that he doesn’t know well even when directly addressed.  He says nothing.  Ignores them. Like I sometimes long to do. And I gently remind him that he needs to look in their face, smile pleasantly and say hello.  Nothing more. Nothing less.  Rudeness will not be tolerated in the name of shyness.  People try to make excuses for him all the time, but I really appreciate it when people work with me and wait patiently for Alex to come around.  And just for the record, I’m not sure it’s shyness as much as it is a little bit of stubbornness coming into play:) Maybe a little bit of both.

So upon researching an answer to my question about whether all introverts are insecure and vice-versa, I did want any red-blooded American would do: I googled it.  Yes I know, very scientific but nonetheless it was quite revealing to me.  What I found makes a lot of sense.  The two words are not interchangeable.  You can be a secure introvert or an insecure introvert but being introverted, it seems, has nothing to do with your level of security. Whew, what a relief!

If that is so, then why does it seem that everyone admires the extrovert, the life of the party, the people person? If all introverts are not insecure than by way of simple logic, all extroverts are not secure, as most of them are perceived to be.  Being an extrovert is generally perceived in a positive way, whereas, being an introvert is something akin to being a social recluse, a hermit, a loner.  Is it really that simple?

I don’t think so.  What I found in my very unscientific research is that most of us have both extroverted and introverted tendencies.  They just manifest themselves at different times.  And whether you are an extrovert or an introvert is primarily decided by where you are able to best get your battery recharged–do you enjoy being alone? Then you may be mostly introverted.  That doesn’t mean you are antisocial or an outcast or as my daughter likes to say “a weirdy bean”.  It just means you thrive best when you have more alone time than your extroverted sibling. It also means that you can have a reasonably good time hosting a party or being at someone else’s social gathering, but you need more time to “recover”  or “decompress” from social settings than the extrovert. Are you lonely or isolated and miserable? Then perhaps you may not be an introvert at all, or you may be an introvert that is simply out of balance. Even I, as a moderate to high introvert. enjoy social interaction to an extent, but as a homeschooling mom, it is really easy for me to just crawl in my hole and wish the grocery store made deliveries.  If I don’t push myself to get out, all my need for human interaction is not being fulfilled and I become discontent and restless. However I know myself well enough to know that my best times of being social come in one on one or small groups, not huge social gatherings.

Insecurity on the other hand, is something that both extroverts and introverts can experience and most of us experience it at one time or another. We perceive that others have it together more than we do for various reasons but I think most of the trouble here comes when we play the comparison game. Women in particular seem prone to this detrimental pastime. “She always looks so put together!” or “She is way more organized than I’ll ever be.” “Can you believe how smart she must be to have that job!”  One of my blogger friends wisely notes that we are prudent to tell ourselves frequently upon having such thoughts, “I’m not equipped to have what she has, both good and bad.” How true is that??  So often what we think about someone is merely perception, not truth. So often we base our thoughts of someone on gossip, or the way things appear without delving to find the Truth. All of us are insecure when we lean on our own abilities rather than our Makers. And He makes each one of us fearfully and wonderfully. We really just need to celebrate  not who we are as much as who He is and how He made us rather than wishing we were someone more beautiful or talented or incredibly intelligent. None of us are anything without Him. Both introverts and extroverts alike.

So while I think I may be a little lopsided –leaning far more to the introvert side than the extroverted and while I long to be more extroverted–there is hope.  Getting out of my comfort zone is possible. An introverted friend of mine surprised me when we took a personality test and came up with the same results! “I would never have thought you an introvert!” I exclaimed dubiously.  (She must have answered the questions wrong!) but she smiled and said that she just works hard on overcoming those tendencies to welcome and minister to others.  Because although we all have our tendencies, He has never intended us to use that as an excuse for doing what He has commanded. And while both extroverts and introverts may have different ways of achieving kingdom goals, we are both required to reach out to the lost–to be light in the darkness and to rely on Him for our identity in a world that would buttonhole us for our looks, our possessions and our career accomplishments.

My sister-in-law likes to remind her children: You are a child of the King, now go and work in His kingdom.  We would all do well to remember that– no matter how introverted, extroverted or just plain insecure we tend to be.