Letting Go

Wow I feel really productive today! I know I haven’t blogged in over a month but now two posts in one day! All I can say is, when it rains, it pours… better fetch an umbrella:)

So today while I am out running errands, which seem to exhaust me beyond a morning run exhaustion, I come home to my sweet husband who is on vacation this week, cleaning out the garage.  He tells me proudly, “I took the school uniforms over to the neighbor’s for you!”

Thanks hon! …I think.

It was very sweet of him.  Having decided to go back to homeschooling our three children this spring, we have no need for school uniforms. They have honestly sat in the children’s closets for months and then finally I gathered them up into a bag to take to the school or give to someone who needed them.  And they sat. And they sat.  I just couldn’t get them out the door.  Why?

It’s not that I’m not excited about homeschooling again because I am.  I am really genuinely looking forward to it–curriculum in place, making plans for the money we will be able to use for other things than private school tuition, setting up schedules, signing up for the homeschool group.  Dear daughter has already decided to participate in 4H. She wants to do photography and shooting.  Ah well, so long as she doesn’t shoot her camera I’d say we’re good. And Tennis.  She wants to play tennis with the school and I think they’ve decided they will let her, of which I’m most appreciative. So why couldn’t I get the uniforms out the door?  Once for about 48 hours they sat in the back of my van. But then we went out of town so they were relegated to the garage.  Not a good place for things.  Things tend to get lost in our garage between the biannual cleanings out.  So anyhow, back to the present, I get home and the uniforms are gone.  Sigh of relief.  We are homeschoolers again. It’s good to be back where we belong.

But it’s bittersweet.  Our dear little school came to the rescue when I couldn’t homeschool.  And my kids loved it there–especially my daughter. She loved her teacher and her friends. I have distanced myself from the whole thing and not let myself get too emotional about it. But the truth is, we left because of messiness and it was abrupt and unexpected and it has thrown me off my guard.  One minute I’m anticipating a teaching position and having all 3 in school at a place that we adore and the next, we are back to where we started. And it’s okay. But it is loss. And it is okay for me to grieve that loss.  Yes it was our choice to make a hasty exit.  Yes we had a good reason for leaving and yes I think we are doing the right thing.  But that doesn’t make it easy.  We had five really lovely years at our sweet school. And I wish them all the best because I still proclaim fervently that it is the best little school in San Angelo. A really truly best-kept secret.  I dream that we can be a liason of sorts between our homeschool group and this dear place of growing children in Christ. That we would be partners and not competitors. I will pray for this school and the children it nurtures. We will be friends with them and love them but it just can’t ever be quite the same and that makes me a little wistful.  And that’s okay. It’s okay to grieve and it’s okay to move on and it is certainly okay to celebrate the new relationship that will emerge between us. Good is good~all the time. And He’s so good at seeing the big picture.

The uniforms may be gone, but the memories and the friendships formed hold fast. Thank you to all of the unbelievably dear teachers who have helped my children grow into the young adults they are today. We love y’all and appreciate every hour you’ve invested in our children.  May God bless each of you a hundred-folded.