I’m in a New York state of mind. Actually being from Chicago, I’m not quite sure what that means but it sounds better than I’m in a slump. Spring fever? Too much on my plate? Distress over daughter moving to Washington State (likely but still a little up in the air)? Probably the last one is causing me the most inner turmoil. I mean I’m really excited for her because I remember how much I wanted to be on my own! But now from this side I’m trying to reconcile life without her.
L.B. Pye is just a really calming presence and has been since she was born. She’s always been an encouragement to me. I’ve been thinking about her childhood and writing down all the myriad of memories that float through my head on a regular basis. I want to create something for her that will be fun to look at in years to come but I haven’t come up with the right idea.
We had a surprise graduation party for her last weekend. We had been planning it since February. It turned out to be perfect timing because it was mother’s day weekend and she thought all the fun and surprises were for me! When all her friends jumped out at the food truck and yelled ,”Surprise!” She was just flat out stunned. She said the thought that kept going through her mind was, “Why are all my friends here for Mother’s Day?” Such a great day and pretty good compensation for her not having a ceremony.
Then I have all this moving stuff on my mind. Like if she does move, we need to get her over there. Her dad will likely go with her. We need to buy her a car and a bed. And will we see her for Christmas? How will we survive without her music and her plants and her presence in our family?? Will we all languish without her? Should we move to Washington State too? Hmm… now that’s an idea. But we’d probably need a way to support ourselves. While working at Costco might be viable for a college student it probably won’t work well with our little family of three. That’s kind of a melancholy number for me right now.
If we lived on the mainland (which I have mixed feelings about) we could travel more. A. never did get to travel like J and L.B. They lived in Germany for four years, not the L.B. remembers any of it. But if we stay here, the house is almost done. We’re getting it tented for termites and painted and finishing the landscaping next month. That’s pretty exciting and I would kind of like to enjoy it. But sometimes I feel so isolated on this island and I long to connect with my bigger Charlotte Mason homeschooling peeps without spending 1000 for a plane ticket. The fact is this: I don’t really know what I want. There I said it.
We are settled here and have our support system. Chiropractor, Hair Dresser, Homeschool Co-op, Church but that doesn’t mean we couldn’t have those things somewhere else. We have tried applying for jobs on the mainland but nothing is happening so does that mean we are supposed to stay here or that no one is willing to foot the bill for moving us back to the mainland? My local bestie and running partner is deploying in September so I might just get fat and depressed if I stay. Or we could make an effort to meet some new friends and take the risk of being rejected in hopes of finding a really great friendship. Why is everything so much work:)
Part of me feels like we should be closer to family. Living in the middle of the Pacific Ocean has it perks: weather, beaches, mountains and lovely, lush landscaping but it also has its disadvantages: shopping, traffic, attitudes and Vog to name just a few…But mostly it’s just plain expensive! So do we park here for a bit and wait for God to open a door or do we actively look for places to relocate which is unsettling in itself. Big sigh. So many thoughts, so many decisions, so many ideas to consider. I want dh to be happy in his job but I want to be happy with our location and I want ds to be happy with his friends. And of course he wants a tree house, which our HOA forbids. That’s it! Time to move. Haha
I’ve been trying to take it one day at a time. Some days more successful than others. Today I am an Island Girl. Let me just enjoy all today offers and the next and the next and the next. No need to push doors open–God is fully capable of launching us to another location if He so desires. Living in the present moment is so important and yet it seems to evade me so much of the time.
A friend recently told me that when I get stressed I need to go to the beach. I think she’s right. If I can go see some unbelievable azure blue water and adorable turtle heads popping up now and then, I might just be able to refocus and appreciate the everyday around me while I’m stuck here–in paradise with two of my children, my sister and my parents there on the big hunk of land known as the mainland. It’s a hard life! But somebody has to live it…
Trying to keep the perspective~
Aloha.
Decidedly Different 