Originally posted on this author’s earlier blog In His Grip back in 2019
As Christmas 2019 is right around the corner, many of us embrace the illusion we call control. We love to control our bank accounts–when we are not overspending…our body image–when we are not eating what appeases only our taste buds but not our waistline…our children’s behavior– when we take their shortcomings oh so very personally and an endless list of other scenarios where we love to believe we are in control but really it is more of just a controlled chaos. We can’t control what happens in our lives, but we can control how we respond to it. The old “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade” philosophy; until we are so weary of proverbial lemonade we want to spit it at the first person who reminds us of this cheerful adage.
If you are bold enough to spout such rhetoric–duck! This has been quite the year for us and while I endeavor to continue making refreshment, I confess I’ve never been very good at it. And while I don’t want to bore you with a list of hardships with which we’ve been wrestling, I do want to tell you that I think I have finally learned some very valuable lessons. Or maybe transferred the lessons from head to heart is a better way of explaining it. I’ll try to limit myself to the primary three epiphanies I’ve had this year. Hopefully one or more of them may pertain to you and save you some time and trouble though I often find that timing is crucial so perhaps I will just be sewing seeds.
Salvation can’t be earned. Yes, I’ve actually possessed head knowledge of this for decades but as long-standing president of the Good Girls’ Club, it’s taken a long time to realize that God actually means what He says. It’s not about what we have to bring Him, but rather what He freely gives to us. We can never be good enough to earn His love. Just like we love our children no matter what they put us through, so it is with our Heavenly Daddy. He loves us just because we belong to Him. You don’t have to try to impress Him because– how can I say this tactfully–your meager attempts will always result in an epic fail. If you have asked Him to be your savior, He will lavish His “unconditional love” on you–accept no substitutes. You will try to fill the void inside you with everything else: people, stuff, work, success etc. None of it will work. It’s all meaningless without Him.
You can’t change people. You need to pray for them. Often. Earnestly. Hopefully. With a confident, believing attitude. Knowing He can do all things and that if you ask anything in His name that is in accordance with His will, He will grant it. Here is where I stumble… what about free will? What about those I love so dearly, who choose another way? How do I guide them? What do I say? How do I interact with them and not make them feel judged? How do I love like Jesus? The bible tells us it is God’s kindness that leads us to repentance. Not His harsh words or His judgement or the stink eye…all our self-righteousness impresses…umm…no one. It makes us unapproachable, unrelatable (is that even a word?) and unreliable. As in an unreliable image of our father. People can not rely on us to be like Jesus if we are too busy judging them and trying to control their behavior. Our job is to change ourselves by spending time with our gracious Daddy so that we are transformed to be like Him. Then others see Him in us and want what we have… this is a good time to plant seeds and maybe share the gospel if the Holy Spirit leads.
It is absolutely necessary to live in the present moment. This. is.key. It is so easy for me to live in the past–measuring my words, actions or facial expressions repeatedly. Replaying scenes in my mind like I’m studying for a Broadway play, and if I’m not doing this, I’m manufacturing future conversations that may or may not ever happen. This is not only not helpful, but rather is actually harmful to our minds and even our bodies and is a primary cause of anxiety and depression. Don’t miss this: we are allowing the present moments of our lives to be stolen from us. I used to say to my children often: Be with the ones you are with. I was usually talking to them about phone usage but this applies to me as well. If I’m thinking about other people than the ones who are right in front of me, I’m short-changing them as well as myself. Why did everybody love Mr. Rogers? Because he was with the person he was with–making them the most important person at that given moment. We need to do the same. Make people visible. See their pain. Hear their story. Give compassion.
Those are some heavy lessons learned over the course of my painful year. The results will be encouraging if I can remember to apply them to other disappointments and trials. I never could understand how we were to “2Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various [a]trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces [b]endurance. 4 And let [c]endurance have its perfect [d]result, so that you may be [e]perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” But I’m starting to see that as usual, God knows what He is talking about.
As a recovering perfectionist, I do long for the day that I will,in fact, be made perfect. But until that day, I can rest assured knowing that I have a holy God who works all things for my good while simultaneously fulfilling His big-picture plan. He has it all under His loving control. Even sifting my trials and protecting me from an enemy who would destroy me mercilessly. That alone can spark joy to carry me through the roughest of years…no matter how the waves around me threaten to drag me under.
When my eyes are on the master, they are not on those around me.
Eyes.On.Him.
Decidedly Different 