Kaleidoscope

The robin’s egg blue bedroom at my grandmother’s house holds some magical childhood memories for me. Among these cherished treasures are a peanut, a maiden, and a puzzle of sorts. The peanut was a green Mr. Peanut piggy bank– my special coin jar to collect my secret stash of bubble gum money. The porcelain maiden was indeed lovely to behold: long white ringlets cascading down her back; the dreamiest shade of green on both her gown and elegant parasol. The puzzle consisted of twisting two light-weight cardboard tubes that, when held up to my eight-year-old eye, displayed a pleasing array of brightly colored “beads” that shifted into and out of focus. The effect was indeed very pleasing and entertaining: the vivid hues overlapped and morphed from one shape into another producing geometrical designs both symmetrical and at the same time fanciful. O to hold on to those simple days of childhood…

As an adult, I have often forsaken life’s simple pleasures, for more “sophisticated” diversions. You know the ones I’m referring to: blogging, social media scrolling, soul searching. The latter two occasionally go hand in hand…as odd as that might seem. One of the things I see from time to time are personality quizzes…often silly ones such as “What state should you live in?” or “Which Disney Princess are you?” And yes, though sometimes I do indulge in those frivolities, I’m usually too bashful to share the results! But then there are more serious inventories: The Myers Briggs personality test, Enneagram, Strengthsfinder are all designed to guide us through self-discovery…to identify strengths and weakness so that as the ancient Greeks pithily advised, we can “know ourselves.” And this is important–to an extent. We want to plan our days and activities intentionally. We want to live our lives well for Kingdom Purpose. No argument there. I am not telling you to burn all your test results…

But such tools do, in face, have their limitations. At this point, I hesitate a bit to take any of them. Maybe it’s because I’m not adept at utilizing the results, but I have never found them overly useful. They are multiple choice, monotonously repetitive and in the end, I’m not at all sure I know much more about me than when I began, which is somewhat anticlimactic. Sometimes I will even take them twice, just to see if I got the “right” answer… or ask my dear husband if he can check to see if I answered them truthfully…but sometimes the correct responses evasively elude me…the questions just don’t fit me…none of the answers seem to reflect who I really am. And if I’m not careful, this can leave me in a bit of a funk which is time consuming and less than edifying to those around me. Who am I? Where do I fit in His plan? And if I’m overthinking, of course, the secret fear: Do I fit into His plan? Am I pleasing Him?

Well now that I have barraged you with a myriad of questions, let’s pause for a moment to process, ponder and proceed with my discovery in next time.

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